Senti Queen

Sabi nila, mahirap daw magsulat ‘pag hindi ka sobrang depressed o sobrang inspired.  I guess totoo ‘yon.  In my case, I find it difficult to put my thoughts into words unless someone or something strongly inspires me to write.

For the past few days, I wasn’t inspired a bit. Tinatamad ako. Wala ako sa mood.  I only managed to write some short pieces for my other blog.  Siguro dahil naiinis ako. May gusto akong gawin pero hindi ko magawa.  May gusto akong sabihin pero hindi ko masabi.  Hindi naman ako depressed pero hindi rin naman ako galit.  At lalo namang hindi ako natutuwa sa mga nangyayari.

Siguro lang, my week started on a wrong note.  Sunday, someone “deleted” me from his Friendster account.  Monday, someone chided me for having an illusion of forming my own justice league.  Spidey and Batman, remember?  Tuesday, someone greeted me with a question I hated to be asked about. Wednesday, some shrieking Sarah G. fans irked my sensibilities.  Sorry, I didn’t like the movie.  Pinanood ko lang for the love of John Lloyd. And today, someone just asked me to do something which I didn’t feel like doing at eight o’ clock in the morning. Aaaargggh..

I guess I just need some time for myself.  ‘Yong tahimik, walang problema, wala akong iniisip.  Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon ko nami-miss ‘yong buhay ko dati– living alone in my own place where I can do anything I want na walang istorbo at walang pinapakibagayan.  I can do things freely my way.  Kakain, gigising, matutulog, magbabasa, maliligo, o mago-grocery ako kung kailan ko gusto.

When I was still a kid, I promised myself to live away from home when I get older. So, I tried living alone in Baguio and La Union.  And now,  I am setting my sights on cosmopolitan Manila.  I just love the feeling of independence and the sense of responsibility that I can take care of myself. I think I am one of the few souls who can survive alone on books, music, movies, television, and food binges once in a while.   

But then, no matter how much I try to get away sometimes from the overprotective and conservative environment I have since childhood, I always find myself heading back for home where my heart and sanity lies. Comfortably.