Archive for August, 2008

31
Aug

Theme for the Night: Songs for the Ex

By lvbauzon1007 2 Comments
Categories: Love

It was a tall order I could not refuse. 

Surprisingly, I could hardly find some songs intended for The Ex.  I could have easily chosen the happy songs that my ex(es) and I used to sing together but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  I preferred to sing songs which represented best what I felt for them right now so I opted for  “Even If”. Why not?  This line said it all– “Even if you mean the whole damn world to me… I can forget you, wait and see… I can be strong even without you… I can’t waste my life forever hoping you’d come back to me….”

There were a lot of other fitting-for-an-ex ditties– “Someone that I Used to Love,”  “I Love You Goodbye,” “Ayoko Na Sa ‘Yo,” “You’ve Made Me Stronger,”  “Huwag Ka Nang Magbabalik,” “Almost Over You,” etc.  But I was not so familiar with them so I ended up singing “‘Til My Heartache’s End” and “It’s Over Now” as my next songs.

Someone lamented, “Parang ang lungkot naman ng gabing ito.”  One dozed off and another was in the brink of falling asleep as well.  As a consolation, however, I believed that a lot of pent-up emotions were released that night.  One seemed happy reliving the past (Aurora Boulevard pala ha!).  Another seemed still affected by a sad past (correct me please if I’m wrong).  Well, it’s really hard letting go of something you’ve taken cared of, loved, and treasured for years.

And me?  After singing those first three songs for my ex, it was back to normal.  Meaning, I sang the other songs not thinking of the ex anymore but the future.  How could I sing “You” and “I Won’t Last A Day Without You” with an ex in mind?  Sorry, I just couldn’t.  Hindi na ako maka-relate. Hahaha…

And the best song I could have sung for my “future”?  It’s “Reason Enough”.  Di ko lang mahanap kasi sa songbook that night.  Sayang, I like pa naman the lyrics…

I made myself a promise sometime ago
Never again to give my heart away
Fell in love with someone who left me in the end
The price of love was just too high to pay.
I thought my life had ended but you came along
And showed me how much brighter things could be
Now you see I’ve turned my back on that promise that I made
Knowing that your love has set me free.
‘Cause you are reason enough for me to go on living
You are reason enough for me to smile again
In a world where hearts are broken every now and then
One finds reason enough to love
Like I’ve found reason enough in you to love again.
So here I am all caught up in this new found love
Feeling like I’ve never felt before
Putting my love on the line with you
Taking a chance again
I’m not afraid to love anymore.
‘Cause you are reason enough for me to go on living
You are reason enough for me to smile again
In a world where hearts are broken every now and then
One finds reason enough to love
Like I’ve found reason enough in you to love again.

Well, I might suggest that our next theme would be Songs for the Present or Future. Anyway, it was a nice try.  After all, leaving first the memories of a past love behind before we start another chapter in our personal lives is a fair thing to do.  Otherwise, I’d rather be the past than the present.

I could perfectly understand those who still find it difficult to move on, however.  The more they were hurt, the more they have loved. But whatever hurt or pain that we may have gone through should not hinder us from giving love another chance. It’s worth remembering that our past will not define our present or future.

We all deserve to be happy.  We should not get tired of starting over and over again until we find that right person who will accept our past, embrace our present, and look forward to a future with us despite our excesses and limitations.

28
Aug

A Tribute to ‘My Own Justice League’

By lvbauzon1007 0 Comments
Categories: Friendship

I want to surprise these three good friends with whom I had the chance to spend good and happy memories for the past few weeks.  For being so nice, accommodating, and helpful, this is one of the best ways I could think of to show how much I appreciate their presence in my life.  For all the things that they did and are doing for me– consciously and unconsiously– here’s my humble tribute to the “kings of kings”.

To avoid billing problems (as if it matters), I am presenting them in alphabetical order:

Jepoy2BARAQUIO, JEFRAN F.

Jeff, my confraternal brod in the UP Palaris Confraternity-Baguio Chapter, is usually misunderstood.  A highly intellectual person, he is someone who speaks out his mind (and means what he says) regardless of what other people will say about him.  In his own words, it’s either you like him or you don’t. 

Not everybody knows, however, that behind his suplado and hard-to-please demeanor, Jeff is a very kind and generous person.  He loves his family members and friends that he usually goes out of his way to make them feel they are taken cared of and appreciated– albeit at times in his trademark nega way.  Though he is not showy with his emotional side, I assure you that this side of Jeff is definitely something for keeps.  He can be the most loving and caring Martian on earth– good traits that any (rational) woman out there would surely die for.

Anto_1COMETA, ANTO V.

My first encounter with this guy last November 2007 was very brief.  Jeff introduced him to me at the UP-SOLAIR campus and after the usual “his and hellos“, I didn’t have a close encounter with him again ’til June of this year. 

He first caught my attention when I heard him sing his own version of the song “Half-Crazy”.  I’ve always been fascinated with guys who really know how to sing.  A certified campus heartthrob (he’ll probably hate me for this), he makes heads turn with his good looks, friendly smiles, and cool fashion sense.  More than the physical aspect, however, there is more to this guy that I find much more endearing.  He is one of the most thoughtful, passionate (about a lot of things), and intelligent people I’ve known.  Brains, looks, and character.  Ladies, what more can you ask for?

EumelPONCE, EUMEL E.

I was forced to talk to him at the Treehouse one Saturday night while waiting for Jeff and the other SC officers finish their meeting.  Our conversation was on-and-off.  Mostly I threw the questions, then he’d answer with one-liners.  We talked about his trips to Palawan and Bohol and some insignificant stuff just to keep the ball rolling.  Hahaha… 

Initially, he struck me as someone very quiet and serious but as days passed by, he turned out to be the funniest guy among the three whose punchlines never fail to make me laugh out really loud! I swear, he could easily take the wits out of you without really trying.  Honestly, I do admire his self-confidence, sensitivity (in a positive way), wit, and sense of humor.  If I’d be given the chance to have another younger brother, my choice would be him hands down.  I can see that he’s a likeable person in a lot of ways. Lucky is the girl who will win his heart for good.

26
Aug

A Sucker for Romance

By lvbauzon1007 2 Comments
Categories: Love

“I’m such a sucker for romance!”  Hearing this statement from a male friend who has a highly intellectual image definitely surprised me.  Looking at him in that perspective roused the romanticist in me.  Why not?  It’s not every day that I hear a guy admitting downright his romantic side.  And I think that’s a romantic thing in itself.

Days ago, some friends and I had a little discussion on what we consider as romantic per se.  Yes, we have our respective standards for romance that we just have to accept and respect one another’s views.  As one of them said, it is relative.  What may be romantic for some may not be the case for others. Bottom line, however, is that romance should be mutually felt by both parties in a love relationship no matter how jaded romance can sometimes get.

I believe that majority of us, in one way or another, is a sucker for romance– romantic affairs, romantic novels, romantic movies, romantic situations, romantic dialogues, romantic stories, and romantic ideas.  Whether we admit it or not, we get kilig everytime we see or experience romance right before our very eyes.  In my case, I haven’t gotten over yet my penchant for watching romantic-comedy movies.  Probably I’ll never will.

The dictionary defines romance as something which depicts colorful and fanciful events, scenes, or occurrences with extraordinary conditions appealing to the imagination, usually in the name of chivalrous love and devotion.  In my own words, romance is simply going the extra mile to exert that extra effort in making someone extra happy which, in return, makes us feel extraordinarily good.

Of course, I had my share of this kilig factor.  I border between insanely romantic and objectively idealistic (whatever this means). I don’t really give a damn no matter how baduy or corny I sometimes become in the eyes of others. Want proofs?  In my own standards, the following are some of the most romantic things that I’ve done for a person (not necessarily for one and the same person):

  • I arranged for a candlelight dinner consisting only of tapsilog. (Sorry, having a candlelight dinner in a high-end restaurant is simply impractical!)
  • I gave him a CD compilation of his favorite songs. (I searched every music hub in the Net just to complete it.)
  • I left a single rose in his favorite color inside his car. (I color sprayed the poor flower in blue!)
  • I composed a poem in his honor (first letter of every line spelled out his name).
  • I gave him a jar full of 366 short love notes printed on different colored papers. (Yup, that’s for a year so I didn’t have to text him every morning. Hehe..)
  • I sang “You” by the Carpenters for him in front of a crowd in my office uniform! (How embarrassing but I gladly did it for love.)
  • I gave him long letters as birthday gifts (always with two other items to make it three as in i-love-you).
  • I hugged him like there was no tomorrow when he least expected it.

In return, here are some of the most romantic things that someone did for me (again, not necessarily from the same person):

  • He arranged for a 45-minute cruise on a rainy Friday evening. (It reminded me so much of Titanic!)
  • He bought me an ice cream while we were walking along Manila Bay.
  • He brought me on top of a hill and we watched the sunset together.
  • He played his composition on the piano while lovingly glancing at me.
  • He brought me to his alma mater in high school and we looked for his old chair inside their classroom.
  • He gave me a poem after a fight which he wrote on an office stationery. (And in turn, I had the poem glass laminated into a small paperweight!)
  • He called me up at two o’ clock in the morning just to say he was thinking of me.
  • He edited my thesis proposal while I was busy eating some pizza in front of him. (Yup, I find that romantic. Haha..)
  • He brought me to a beautiful garden and said “How I wish time stands still.”

Haaayy.. May these lists increase. I may not be the wealthiest person on earth to stage the most extravagant display of love and devotion but hey, I have the power and the means to turn something ordinary to extraordinary in my own little ways. I won’t get tired of doing these things for someone I really love. After all, it’s not the thing, thought, or effort that counts. 

At the end of every failed romance, it was the love I gave and the love I got in return nourished by mutually carried out romantic gestures that mattered more.

24
Aug

A Perfect Road Trip

By lvbauzon1007 5 Comments
Categories: Friendship, Happiness and Journeys

I just love the feeling of being surrounded by nature and friends while savoring every moment of a perfect road trip to a place away from the noise of the city.

Relaxation.  Waking up in the morning with a ready breakfast inside a cozy room and a nice veranda is pure bliss.  Having all the time (and bed) to myself without worrying about anything never fails to give me inner joy and peace.

Enjoyment.  I couldn’t derive any better sense of enjoyment than from having a great conversation with friends who talk sense and at the same time know how to have fun and laugh at themselves.  Getting answers from a henyo, philosopher, or a psychologist for some questions I have been so curious about gives me undeniable satisfaction. 

Happiness.  I always find happiness in little things that matter more in life.  Traveling. Music. Nice sceneries. Great company. LOLs. Cheap thrills. Good food. I mean, this is the life! Making the most out of something that we can easily have rather than finding fulfillment in something that we do not have yet is far more rewarding.

Memories. My memory bank consists only of good and happy recollections. I don’t dwell anymore with the sad events of the past. I do away with all negativity.  Funny but I vowed last December that I would never allow anything and anyone to make me cry this year. And yes, it’s happening.  I’ve never cried a single tear of sadness since January. Strange but possible.

One writer said that the best things in life are free.  I totally agree. While we need money to pay for hotel rooms, food, and gas, the pleasures and benefits that we derive from a journey with good friends are definitely greater than the costs.  Postponing a nice road trip is tantamount to postponing happiness. 

So, let’s hit the road whenever there is an opportunity. Because the joys we encounter along the way do not require any toll fee.

17
Aug

Keeping the Faith

By lvbauzon1007 2 Comments
Categories: Love

When I arrived from Manila yesterday, I was surprised to read some comments posted by William on some of my blog posts.  You see, we haven’t met personally yet so I really appreciate that my blog somehow merits his time and attention.  How sooo nice of him to even include my blog address in his own blogsite. Wow.

My sis Christy introduced me to this guy online last July 22, 2008.  “He also loves to write about love and other kabaduyan as you may call it so if you have time, please invite him,” she said.  My instinct tells me that William and I can also be good friends if given the time and opportunity.  For one, based on his posts and poems that I’ve read, mukhang magkakasundo kami sa pagiging “inlabera”.  Hahaha.. In fact, I think he’s more senti than I am when it comes to this thing called love.

Anyway, I couldn’t thank him enough for also sharing with me his thoughts and feelings on some matters about life, love, friendship, destiny, etc.  There’s no better way of earning a new friend than this but I’m still looking forward to meet him in person one day.  When that time comes, I hope that we have found our respective “someones” who will not only love and accept us for the persons that we are but also for the persons that we are not. 

Love is a wonderful thing.  Despite the pains and heartaches it sometimes brings, it is still the most important thing in this world.  I am just so glad that I’ve found another new friend who shares the same sentiment.  So, William, let’s keep the faith.  We may not be lucky in love now but who knows, it will hit us when we least expect it.

And that’s what I call “spontaneous”. ü

12
Aug

Those Movies in My Mind

By lvbauzon1007 3 Comments
Categories: Love

Thirty minutes ago, my celfone played my message alert tone (”Ooohh it’s youuu, sweet babbbyyyy…”) for three consecutive times.  Upon checking my phone, however, it alerted me for neither a missed call nor a text message.  Zero. Nada. Zilch.

At first, I wondered.  Second ring, I got scared.  Minumulto ba ako?  Third ring, I was in the verge of panic! What if that was an intended message about a very important matter I’ve been waiting for the past few days?  What if it was from someone I’ve been waiting to call?!

Then, I started blaming SMART. Yes, the network provider.  Was it a system error?  Was somebody trying to mess up with my prepaid account?  Kainis.  I was left with no choice but to text five regular visitors in my Inbox, asking them one by one if they were the ones trying to reach me a while ago.

Only one replied so far. I appreciated this person’s immediate textback considering that he was a thousand miles away.  We ended up picking up where we left off and exchanged a few three-page texts.  “Hindi ako ‘yon.  But do tell me if makuha ka diyan sa ina-aplayan mo ha. Gusto ko na ring umuwi, walang career path dito.  And you’re right, iba pa rin sa Pilipinas. So, go for whatever that will make you happy. I’ll see you as soon as I get back. Ingat.”

Sigh.  Nakaka-miss din to have someone who will be there to take care of me, support me in times like this, and assure me that everything’s gonna be okey.  While I got a few good friends who cheer me up every now and then, iba pa rin ‘yong someone who will really be there for me during the good as well as the bad times. 

Some people think that I have become cynical about love. Of course not.  I’m still looking forward to meet that person who’s gonna shake my world!  Literally and figuratively. Hahaha…  “Gusto mo na ba ulit magka-lovelife?” a friend asked me a week ago. “Oo naman.. oo naman!”  But I’m not forcing it. I want my next lovelife to be as spontaneous as can be.  Just like in the movies. 

All this time, I’m waiting for my own Henry Roth (50 First Dates) or Robbie Hart (The Wedding Singer) to come along.  If he’s from the past, present, or future, it doesn’t really matter as long as he’s someone I can laugh with, cry with, fight with, make up with, do crazy things with, argue and talk with. More than anything else, he must also be my best friend.

Because it’s our friendship that will keep us together once all the passion and romance fizzles out.  Again, just like in those movies I’ve seen.

05
Aug

UP Baguio: In Retrospect

By lvbauzon1007 0 Comments
Categories: Happiness, Life and UP Palaris Confraternity

Last weekend, I intimated to some friends that “tumatanda yata ako nang paurong.”  (”Ako nga rin eh,” sabi no’ng isa.) I am now in my mid-30s but I feel like I’m only in my 20s. I may think and act my age in some respects but generally, I don’t feel like this old at all. 

Well, I guess I am just a late bloomer.  There are a lot of things that I should have enjoyed and experienced before I hit my 30s. Yet I didn’t have the opportunity because I was already saddled with big responsibilities in my 20s. Or perhaps, I wasn’t able to go through the normal phases of a teenager’s life in high school.  It had all been home-school-home.  No parties. No gimmicks. No boyfriends. 

If there’s one chapter in my life that I did truly enjoy, it’s my college life! “Panalo!!!” ‘ika nga ng mga friends ko. When I entered UP Baguio for the first time, para talaga akong nakawala sa hawla! Kulang na lang, i-embrace ko si Oble with open arms din! Those were the days I learned what freedom, independence, responsibility, self-discipline, and excellence were really all about.

I felt that at that time when I was 16 to 19 years old, everything was normal at last.  I mean, I did get to enjoy and explore things a very curious teenager felt like doing or trying.  Though I kept my promise not to have a boyfriend until I graduate from college, not to give in to pressures for me to learn how to smoke, not to flunk any subject and graduate on time, I also had my share of some kalokohans sa buhay.

How could I forget our almost nightly visits to Heike Jade downing some bottles of Red Horse?  The tagayan and inuman sessions during overnights?  ‘Yong mga ka-M.U. ko na hindi naman pala?  ‘Yong mapilitan kaming matulog sa Burnham Park dahil naabutan kami ng curfew sa boarding house? ‘Yong teknik na gagawin para hindi mahalata ng driver na hindi kami nagbayad ‘pag wala kaming pera? ‘Yong paglalakad namin mula Session Road hanggang Mines View at kung saan-saan pa kahit alas onse na ng gabi?  Ang mga walang katapusang meetings at DGs (kaya nga ‘pag wala kang planner, ibig sabihin hindi ka pa “sikat”)?  At maraming-marami pang iba.

Honestly, I did learn more about life outside the classroom.  And I am just so thankful I learned it in an environment like UP Baguio.  The sub-culture in this place made me think and act more mature than my young age of 16 (to 19). Despite some influences that challenged my character and convictions, I have remained unperturbed because the people around me then are equally responsible, down-to-earth, sensible, and generally mababait. The UP Baguio campus is more than just a school.  It is a small community of people where excellence and greatness of minds, hearts, and souls reign. 

Now I know.  When I said, “tumatanda yata ako nang paurong,” I actually miss that period in my life when everything was pure bliss and close to perfection.

04
Aug

The Poor Good Men

By lvbauzon1007 2 Comments
Categories: Life

While writing my The Gucci Gang blog post, I was reminded of one documentary I saw on TV years ago that really moved me.  A jolt to my system.

It’s a feature on a family who is living under a bridge in a slum north of Manila. Their dwelling place looks more like that of a chicken house– a one square meter room made of bamboo with an improvised, dilapidated galvanized iron door.  One has to literally crawl in and out of the entrance.  They couldn’t even stand up straight inside lest their heads would hit the ceiling.

Sometimes, it’s hard to live a good life when you know that many are living in continuous misery and awful conditions.  An ex and I once had a debate on this matter.  “Why are you so much affected when it’s not your fault that others are poor?” he said. “It’s not your problem anymore.”  How apathetic. I never looked at him the same way again. 

Yeah, it’s not my fault.  And it’s not these poor children’s fault to be born poor, either.  The more I see some of their kind, the more I feel so much blessed in life.  And I’ve always admired people who were able to survive their poor pasts and still were able to keep their feet on the ground. That is why I am always more partial to rags-to-riches accounts than rich-kids-hitting-it-big-on-their-own stories.

These poorest of the poor may have the least privileges in life but at the end of the day, they’ve got more substance than the rest of us.  They have been through the worst and having survived a destitute life alone is enough character.  Thus, they are more blessed in this respect.

Nothing can stop the poor good men from creating their own niche in the midst of despondency because they have nothing more to lose but have everything to gain. As long as they keep on achieving.

04
Aug

My Own Justice League

By lvbauzon1007 3 Comments
Categories: Childhood and Friendship

Last week, somebody teased me about my penchant for using cartoon heroes to hide the real identities of guys who have entered, are entering, are about to enter, or are trying to enter my world.  At first, I was annoyed.  But upon seeing this cute profile layout featuring the Marvel Heroes led by Superman, I couldn’t help but smile because it reminded me so much of my childhood.   

My male cousins and my younger sister used to have our own justice league.  I always fought for the title Wonder Woman.  Aside from the fact that it was the most famous female superhero, I liked wearing that star on my forehead.  We roamed the open fields in our grandparents’ backyard looking for and fighting off our imaginary enemies.  We played our heroic characters to the hilt as evidenced by childhood scars I refused to get rid of. (Each has a story to tell which I still want to share with my future children.)

When Mazinger Z and Voltes V hit the boobtube, however, we ditched our self-made Marvel costumes and played instead with my male cousins’ Voltes V action figures.  We were also able to memorize that Japanese ditty without understanding any single word.  While Japanese anime heroes did catch our attention for a while, I’ve always had a softer spot for Batman, Spiderman, and Superman through the years. I didn’t know why. Perhaps their movies every now and then reinforced my love for their characters.

In real life, I also have my own justice league.  I have my heroes who save me from the fires of pain, madness, and stupidity. They sneak into my world when I need their help the most.  They walk into my life when everybody seems walking out.  I had my own share of Clark Kent’s and Peter Parker’s heroic acts to save me from my Lois Lane’s and Mary Jane Watson’s in-distress modes.

I love my own justice league.  They are not just my knights in shining armor. Above anything else, they are my friends. My dearest male friends I am more than willing to save in return. :D

03
Aug

The Gucci Gang: Wasted Lives

By lvbauzon1007 0 Comments
Categories: Life

This notorious group of young people who belongs to the Philippines’ alta sociedad is not that rich, after all.  Thanks to Brian Gorrell for having the guts to expose the real deal behind the glitz and glamour, regardless of his motives.

The Gucci Gang, a bunch of drug addicts, freeloaders, and social mountaineers (to borrow Gorrell’s term), once lorded it over the society pages, big endorsement deals, and the TV entertainment scene.  Their famous and powerful family names practically offered them so many privileges and opportunities on a silver platter, a social advantage being enjoyed by a privileged few.  Now, almost all of them are certified losers.  What a waste.

Honestly, I sort of envied these people when I was younger.  How I wished then to be in their shoes so I could have the privilege to study and travel abroad, put up my own business, and even use my fame and fortune to fulfill a secret dream.  Many times did I wish that we were rich so I wouldn’t have to endure wearing hand-me-downs, walking to and from school for seven years, doing my share in the household chores, and being content with cheap thrills and pleasures.

However, after reading the blog entries and comments contained in the now famous Brian Gorrell blog which Jeff informed me about, I realized that I am much luckier to be in my middle middle-class social status.  I may not have been born rich but I am richer in spirit.  I may not have the fame but I have hard-earned pride and honor.  I may not be infuriatingly beautiful and sexy but I have the peace of mind of aging gracefully for still being 100% au naturel.

A simpler life is definitely much happier and easier to live.  I don’t wish anymore to be rich and famous someday, rubbing elbows with celebrities and high-society denizens.  Behind the exciting and dazzling facade, it’s actually a lonely world out there.

After all, richness in character rather than material wealth is the true measurement of success.